My Wife Diaries

It's funny how you hear things as a single girl from your married friends about being married and being a wife and you develop your own idea or fantasy about what YOUR marriage will be like, then once you get to experience marriage for yourself, you realize "OH that's what they were talking about!".

Here are some revelations I have learned from being married!

• Tell each other how you feel!! When you do life together it's easy to wake up to the same person who sleeps next to you and just assume they know how much they mean to you (NOT TRUE) I have learned that it is so important to uplift each other by telling that person how much they mean to you whenever you think it. (if you are married tell your spouse you appreciate them today) 
• It's easy to get frustrated over things when you never communicate your needs. It's so important to communicate your needs even if you are just tired and really need a break or are worried and need prayer for something, that's on your heart. It surprises me sometimes how much Tim steps up and helps out once he knows what I'm going through. 
• Take time to think about what your spouse does right. Honesty time, now I know I am not the only one who struggles with this! I have found in my marriage I forget this one most often. It's easy to feel like you wish that your husband does this or that more, but it's sooo soo important to make an effort to think about the billions of qualities that your spouse does possess.  There are so many things I cherish about my husband, I really need to think on those more. It will make your life so much better and more positive. 
• Finally It is all in the way you present it! It's ok to let your spouse know when you are annoyed or frustrated with things however it is so important how you present it. Obviously they are not trying to annoy or frustrate you on purpose, sometimes when you live together it just happens!! Whenever you do feel that way stop yourself in the moment maybe think through what you are planning to say ask yourself will this come across as criticism? My advice is try the sandwich method, example: I love it that you have been helping out so much more with the chores it really makes me feel loved, it would really mean a lot to me if you could continue helping out with things around the house like ---------- it would be such a relief/help to me even more, since I know you have been doing so much more to help me with things! praise and compliment - need - praise and compliment! See how that doesn't sound like a criticism but it gets the message across that you have an expectation you need met. 

I'm not writing this because I want to brag about how I get these things right in my marriage this is really a confession about things I am trying really hard at doing more! One of the biggest things I have learned about marriage is that it is REAL WORK it's never easy but it is so rewarding when you learn about how to be the wife your husband needs and love him the way he needs!

Date Nights and the Marrieds

So once you get married things tend to slow down a ton. Here's how:
*You tend to go to bed way earlier than you ever have since you were maybe 10.
*You tend to prefer to stay in and just watch a movie on Friday Nights rather than going out on the town.
*If you have cable TV you tend to become obsessed with certain shows (mine are downton abbey, new girl, and modern family).
* Going out with friends becomes a real chore because now you got rid of all your hot going out clothes and have filled your closet with nice mature looking dresses that if you wear out you instantly feel like a granny.
*And date nights become less and less spectacular, sometimes date night for Tim and I consists of going to our favorite fish taco joint and splurging on a drink or even worse you squeeze in a date after shopping at costco and split a soda and cheap meal at costco (dun da da YOUR MARRIED).

 So it takes a bit of work to shake things up and that is why I am actually kind of thrilled about this upcoming holiday, because it requires people like us young marrieds (those without kids because I hear having kids takes it to a whole new level), to work on shaking up the romance maybe wear heels, a pretty dress, glam up the hair and make up and go out in public! I can't wait!!! I have no idea what we are doing but I'm sure Tim has something up his sleeve. What will be your plans this Valentines?

Drinking from MY mug!

Inanimate objects and our attachment to them, are we all just a little crazy! So I was thinking about this attachment to inanimate objects one morning as I was sipping tea through this adorable blue mug that Tim's Aunt made us! And I begin to think about our attachment to things and where does that even come from are we really all that crazy. I mean do you have anything like that?

For me it's this perfect mug I drink out of in the morning it's the right size shape and holds the right amount of liquid and it doesn't feel hot on the handle, and every morning I reach for that same mug even though I have a variety of mugs to choose from. My tea just isn't the same in the morning unless I'm drinking it from my favorite mug.

I feel the same way about certain clothing items I mean there are certain dresses that I have carried around with me in all my moves because I have this strange emotional attachment to them. One of those is the dress I wore to my highschool graduation, I mean it definitely does not fit nor probably ever will again it is way out of style, but for some reason I just can't part with it.

Do you have any attachments like that to items in your house or am I alone in this craziness?

Oh February

This is really a great month I mean come on we get a few monday's off this month we get to celebrate Superbowl Sunday while pigging out on terrible snacks and beer and watching a long long sporting event. We get to celebrate love with Valentines day and every four years we get an extra day to this already shorter month! Plus this February we get to enjoy the Chinese New Year as well as Fat Tuesday Mardi Gras or Carnival whichever you want to call it! And then of course there is the Oscars/Academy Awards and the Grammy's! I mean February itself is pretty great so to all of you out there Happy February!

Friendships Which Make Time Stand Still!

Friendships are a unique part of life, friendships make life so much richer! I've been so blessed in my life to have such a wealth of different types of people who have come in and out of my life, but the ones that have really stood out to me in my life are the ones who although years may pass when I get together with them it feels like no time has passed! I've moved around to many places since I left Hemet and I have met so many unique people I have had the best of friends who have come and gone in my life. I realize now looking back that if a time machine could ever exist I wish it would keep time still when I am with friends. I met up with a friend for breakfast who I hadn't seen in a few years and it honestly felt like no time had passed, sure our lives had changed and we were in very different places than we were a couple years ago but our interaction was the same and I think that is a rare and unique gift to have that in your friendships. I feel so blessed to be able to have friends like that. 

Since I have moved back to San Diego I have felt a bit sad about the fact that I am starting over, many of the friends I had here before have moved out of San Diego or have moved on with their friendships to build new bonds and groups of friends. I felt a bit weary of finding myself saying goodbye once again to some great friends made in San Francisco and returning to starting that process once again. I began to wonder what life would have been like if I never left San Diego! However after meeting with my friend yesterday I realized that starting fresh is not a terrible place to be, there are some people who I don't get to see as much as I used to but there are some friends who no matter how much life changes they will always be genuine and true and love you no matter how much time passes. I think that is what makes friendships so special they are the one thing in life that makes time feel as if it has stood still. 

It really puts into perspective the shortness of life and the promise of eternity! So if you have a friend that you miss or haven't talked to in a while go out and call them or make a date to see them I'm sure it will fill you with joy!